by Nandita Batheja
Ever since SoULL began in 2018, the question of its survival has been continual. Every year, potential students say, “This sounds amazing! I can’t do it this time. When will it be offered again?” And every year, we reply, “We don’t know if it will be offered again…”. Still, somehow it survived its first seven years of development, from its first official cohort in 2018 to its first graduating class of doulas in 2025. (You can read SoULL’s origin story on our website.).
Today, after all those years of uncertainty and faith, hundreds of students have come through SoULL’s doors. SoULL material has been taught in New York, Wisconsin, California, Mexico, Poland, the Netherlands, Slovenia, England, Bulgaria, and has touched many more geographies online. Like its own small forest, SoULL has come to life through webs of relationships, communities, ideas and expanding consciousness.
How does one steward the birth of a forest?
I have seen Jeanne’s weary yet glowing face many times during a SoULL weekend. It is so much work. And yet, as she has taught many of us: when you are really called to something, the energy will come from somewhere to carry you.
I am so grateful to Jeanne for answering the calling and founding this school of truly unusual life learning. I am also grateful to Andrea Pollak, who answered her personal call in 2021, assisting in the direction of SoULL with Jeanne, forming, steadying and growing the school. Both women modeled what it looks like to surrender into a calling of the heart. My god. A calling to steward a school called SoULL? – it took no less than everything that soul brings us to. The depths of love, incredible challenge, adventure, sorrow. Their devotion and love no doubt seeded the forest of SoULL.
And…as surely as we are called forward, there comes a time of completion and return.
Jeanne had long said that SoULL needs to be led by a community, not by one person, and that no role we have should ever be permanent. She held to her commitment to see the first class of whole-life-doulas through to graduation. She (and we) did it! After graduation, she needed to release the role of director, to rest and integrate. It was time for the school to evolve into its next form.
None of us knew exactly what would happen after April. There was just one thing left on the calendar: a SoULL board & leadership retreat where we would gather to determine the future of the school. We all knew that a possible outcome could be closing the school.
In June, nine of us gathered in Racine. We held the retreat the way we hold many things at SoULL. We asked for and listened to guidance— from our community and students, and from spirit. We reviewed our history. We harvested lessons. We meditated. We got quiet. We got loud. We sped up and slowed down. We began to sync up. We drew visions for the school and later held them up, finding overlap across many of our ideas.
Things were going pretty well, and then we reached our cold-water-threshold moment. Our visions didn’t mean anything if there was no team to see them through. On Sunday afternoon we paused and took a breath. We asked the hard question: was there enough collective yes, and enough real time commitment and capacity, that we could form a true leadership team? We sensed into the truth for ourselves, and also listened for who the organism of SoULL was asking to step forward.
After seven years with SoULL, I had arrived at that retreat knowing my Yes. Not only did I feel the calling to step in, the calling had become so clear, so synchronized within me, I no longer had to listen for it. It had blossomed softly and steadily, without any force. All I had to do was acknowledge it. That said, I knew that SoULL – a school based on nature’s principles – needed an ecosystem. I knew I held one Yes, but I did not know if there would be any others. I was prepared for a funeral, but I hoped for a birth.
To my great surprise and delight, LiZhen had been holding a strong Yes too. The group also clearly saw the leadership and wisdom pouring through her the whole retreat. One of LiZhen’s great gifts is hearing guidance accurately and having the courage to follow it spontaneously. Incredibly, LiZhen only knew she was coming to the retreat just shortly before it happened. In her words, “I didn’t know why, but I knew I wanted to go, and I knew I wouldn’t know why until I was there.” When LiZhen stepped in, I felt that awe of mystery.
I am learning from LiZhen how to feel a call, to answer it without knowing why, and to simply show up and trust. We couldn’t have predicted even a month earlier, that we would be woven together to steward these SoULL teachings and the community we’ve come to love so deeply. And we were not alone.
Barbara and Jeanne sat across the room from each other, like the owl wings of SoULL, holding the wisdom, with the twinkling eyes and the support that only elders and mentors can give. Barbara, who has been an elder and ongoing support for SoULL over the years, was also a Yes. She would be there to guide, mentor and simply love us. Our team was forming, in a way that felt ordinary and miraculous. Just like SoULL, just like being human.
This photo depicts the board celebrating our emerging SoULL leadership and future at the end of our retreat! From left to right: board members Dan, Billee, Barbara, LiZhen with her baby Yexin, Nandita and Jeanne. Mark was with us online and in spirit! Photo taken by LiZhen’s partner, Kazu, who was there supporting us throughout.
So, here we are, Nandita & LiZhen, stepping in as the new co-directors of SoULL (in training), with a brilliant circle of leaders alongside us. Jeanne and Barbara are our mentors, guides and teachers. Billee and Dan are our steadying board members and overarching support. Michelle is our operations life-pulse. Several others are growing the school as teachers, teachers-in-training, and unique guides (Willie, Rebecca, Shelly, Billee, Mark — we thank you). And, of course, we have all of you, our circle of SoULL. We hold an ever-open door to your participation as you feel called. Whether you are called the slow way (like me), the mysterious and spontaneous way (like LiZhen), or in a way that is completely your own ;)
Finally, we are so happy to officially graduate Jeanne from the director role, welcoming her into the roles of mentor, teacher, writer and guide. We are calling it a graduation because it is clear to all of us that she isn’t retiring from anything or leaving SoULL. Instead, she finally gets to lay down the position of ‘director’ which was not a role she necessarily wanted, but one that was needed to create and sustain SoULL. Thank you, Jeanne, and thank you Andrea, for the years you spent in tasks that sometimes enlivened you, sometimes drained you, but also grew you. Thank you for giving so much heart and love to SoULL, in service of collective healing, expanding consciousness and growing our human bravery. We invite you to joyfully graduate from this decade-long initiation and find rest and exuberance as a SoULL teacher and guide.
We will be hosting an online gathering to celebrate and honor this transition in December, stay tuned for the date! LiZhen and I will also introduce ourselves more fully in our next newsletter. In the meantime, we would love to hear from you and have your support. You can comment on this blog, share what’s on your heart with us, or reach out if you want to talk.
With you in the mystery and with you in the circle,
Nandita
