Giving...Its hard. Or not.

A letter from Jeanne and Barbara

Its weird, money. I have been thinking about it a lot in the last few years, and even the last few weeks. That is from two perspectives. Trying to keep a little SoULL boat afloat, and the philosophical aspect: What the heck IS it? Where did it come from? Why do some people have it and others don’t? Why isn’t it more fair?

People say money is energy. I disagree. I feel I understand what energy is. When I hold a dollar bill, I feel nothing. Just nothing. My body doesn’t understand money. Nevertheless we have some kind of “economy” rigged up to it through our agreements with each other. That we need it to be a part of the current world order is clear. But don’t we all wish to be rid of it? I do. And yet…having it makes me feel safe.

It has its own life, that is simiiar to life, but isn’t life. It impacts life but can’t buy it or directly impact it. It seems to be about value, but it mainly values things that I don’t, and that life itself does not. It seems to favor some kinds of ideas over others, and some groups over others. It tends toward decadence if not regularly returned to honor deeper truths and nature (at least that is what I think).

So it is weird to ask people to support SoULL with money, because SoULL isn’t about money. But more and more we need to ask, as funders raise their bars for support, as both individuals and holistic education are challenged. We work pretty hard to give all year, and to prepare wisdom for a future that will need guidance. It will be pretty much impossible to get to that future without generosity.

There is the generosity of money and a million different kinds of generosity.  Money and heart together are powerful.  All of it is necessary. We need to say that we need you, and many kinds of support. We need to ask for your heart, and it is hard to ask.   In case you are wondering… I can’t tell you what it means to receive $10 or $25 from one of you we have not heard from in years. It means you care for the life in SoULL and are saying “keep going!”. Keep existing. Conversely I also can’t tell you how discouraging it also is not to hear nothing after vulnerably asking (oy, hate that!). It is a risk to ask. So even if you can’t give anything, can you give your thumbs up in some way so that we feel your affirmation? It matters.

Below is a lovely letter that Barbara Pettibone wrote to our students, past and present. I wonder if you will give a read and consider giving us your support this year, It feels especially important to get your existential vote. Thumbs up, thumbs down. We will be listening. Your vote, in any form, matters. Even a comment below. But if you want to give money you can do it here.

Thanks (from Jeanne)

And now here is Barbara….

Beloved SoULL Students and Friends of SoULL,

As this year comes to a close, we are reflecting on what we have put out into the world with the SoULL teachings, and planning for our future.  This year has been one of extremes for many of us. We had a dynamic new Year 1 class of SoULL students, we have completed the Whole Life Doula curriculum, and will be graduating a class of Whole Life Doulas next year.  We are collaborating with other organizations, some in Europe, some in areas as different as psychedelics and prison work and finding that our theories are useful to others.  We hope to offer a Year 2 next year, and continue our other programs, as outlined on our website.  All of this has happened in a world that seems less predictable and inclusive by the day, and when holistic programs everywhere are under great strain.

All SoULL students know that we light candles at the beginnings of our gatherings.  With SoULL teachings come Light, Wisdom, Presence to one another.  We wonder if you might light one or two for SoULL.   These difficult and unpredictable times are crying out for the teachings and community that SoULL brings.  Additionally, most students are aware that school tuition does not cover the costs of running the school, and as usual, we are short of funds at this year’s end, despite having managed to operate all year at less than 55% of our budget.

Though SoULL is not about money, it does need money.  For these reasons, we are asking that you consider making an end of year donation, and possibly make SoULL a part of your annual giving so that we can keep this light strong.  Yes, we are a 501c3.  Here is the link for a tax deductible donation.    It will not only keep the SoULL teachings in the world, but donating and volunteering also might just raise your vibration, cutting off a lifetime or two.  No promises, but . . . we hope so.  

So consider the deep benefits of gratitude, divine reciprocity and generosity as we end this year.  Know that you have ours...and Thank You!

The SoULL Board

Jann Draper Elliot

Willie VanBoven

Mark Brady

Andrea Pollack

Nandita Batheja

Barbara Pettibone

Jeanne Denney

--

Surfing the Waves of Undulating Grief

by Shelly Crane

As I sit here starting to write this post, it’s almost 2 weeks since the death of my brother-in-law, Dan, who died tragically in a car accident. Dan would have been 40 years old this June.  Time during these last few weeks has been hard to grasp. My husband left to be with his sister, Emma, within hours of the accident and has been with her since. I followed him out several days later and now have come back home to return to work. I have been moving as though through a fog. To and from work, booking plane tickets within hours of the flight, changing tickets, rearranging schedules, getting to and from the airport, and asking for help in so many different ways from colleagues and family and friends and neighbors. 

In the first week, there truly were no words. There was just presence and holding and tears. That, and struggling to do all of the ruthlessly time-bound things that need to be done in the aftermath of a death. If it wasn’t so heartless, it would be laughable. Calls, so many phone calls, to the medical examiner, the police, the funeral home, employers, HR, friends, family, and forms, and emails, and finding passwords and pins and usernames. 

The undulating waves of grief rolling over and through all of us, as we try to hold Emma, close enough so that she is not swept away beneath them. All I can think about is how we are born to do this. The way that everything else gets so quiet, it falls away in layers - it just doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters is staying close, holding, breathing, attending to our grief.

As Jeanne has said many times, a good death is a community making event. And I can feel that now. From the terrifying moment Emma found out something had happened to Dan, she has been enveloped in love and support from her community. They have extended their love to her family and to Dan’s. They are holding space for her tears and her laughter, the memories they shared, and for the paralyzing grief about the long lives together that they will no longer share. They are holding each other in their grief. They are helping with all of the relentless needs that do not go away just because the world has turned inside out – cooking, laundry, groceries, and so much more. 

What I have been reflecting on now is my deep gratitude for my experiences in SoULL in learning how to support a person in active distress. To know that I don't need to hold my own tears back (and that allowing myself to be touched by her grief is the healing for both of us), to make eye contact and not shy away from seeing the grief, the comfort I feel with just sitting and BEING and knowing in my body that THAT is the medicine. The understanding of behavioral patterns and defenses and the deep compassion I feel for the defenses that are going to arise in a tragedy like this. The trust that I now feel that not only will we survive, but that this tragedy is bringing all of us into a deeper understanding of each other and ourselves and how our lives are intricately interwoven into each others’.  And not feeling guilty or surprised by the oscillating love and joy and grief that at times can feel ecstatic in the midst of such a confusing situation.

There is much grieving yet to do, and so much support that Emma will need as she begins to build a life without her person. And there has been so much love and gratitude that is flowing. So much to give and to receive. And I am so grateful to SoULL for the ways in which I have been learning to be open to it all, to move in and out the grief and the love and the frustration and the exhaustion with some degree of fluidity.

What Goes Around Comes Around

What Goes Around Comes Around

by Dr. Mark Brady

“Soul-knowing is a fountainhead from within you moving out. Drink from there!”

Years ago I transferred out of a well-regarded PhD program at UCLA in favor of attending and graduating from this small startup school. It was founded by two male college graduates, one from Stanford, one from Harvard, who believed they only got 1/2 their brain (the left) and little of their heart educated. Their school would be different – it would be designed and intended to educate the right brain and the heart as much as possible.

One of my students in those days was an impressive mother of four kids who also worked as a civil engineer. She specialized in the design and restoration of movable bridges – the kind that rise up or swivel round to allow waterway traffic flow. She also worked as a birth doula and . . . a death doula in her spare time. Since I was a builder, had just fathered a child of my own and had been researching, writing and teaching about death for many years, Jeanne and I hit it off. I eventually became first her mentor and then her colleague. She ended up researching and writing an award-winning thesis (measuring heart variability resonance in bedside sitters with the dying). She went on to talk about that research to various groups who received it, and her, with open kindness and appreciative applause. I personally witnessed a group of retired, curmudgeonly Stanford professors receiving her talk with surprising warmth and appreciation.

Joining Whole Brain to Whole Heart

After I got my right brain educated at Sofia, I spent the next ten years tuning up my left brain at a Stanford Think Tank hanging out with Nobel Laureates and MacArthur geniuses – as a cultural anthropologist disguised as the maintenance man. Kind of like my own strange version of Good Will Hunting, I suppose. I learned many things over those ten years (I’ll share three of the most significant takeaways from that decade in an upcoming post).

Currently, I am enrolled at another small startup school. It’s a school conceived and birthed with mostly female energy, primarily designed for adults who have gone through traditional education. The school grew out of Jeanne’s interest and experience with birth, death, somatic psychology and engineering. And, things that exist before, during and after those things. Things known and unknown. Things seen and unseen. Things sensed and not sensed. It’s a refreshing School of Unusual Life Learning (Although I’m not a fan of naming any learning organization a “school” since Ken Robinson informed 76 million people of the many ways that modern schools kill creativity – people judge you by the circles you travel in).

I’m currently finding SoULL to be anything but a creativity-killer. In fact, simultaneously, along with my recent enrollment as a student, I’m just about finished with first drafts of my fourth screenplay (The Muffin-Truckin’ Change Agency; The Levamine Conspiracy; Triumph of the Intransigents and The Winner); I’ve created and taught extremely well-received seminars on Social Safety Science (Polyvagal Theory) and Artificial Intelligence and I’ve researched and written first drafts of Chapters 1, 2, and 3 of curriculum for a course in Embodied Altruism and . . . all while pretty much keeping up with my weekly blog-writing.

Rounding the Circle

It’s difficult to clearly and compellingly speak about numinous, expansive, healing, learning experiences. If you’re at all interested and resonate with such things, a startup School of Unusual Life Learning may indeed have some appeal. You can find out more by visiting: SoULL.

Mark Brady, Ph.D. is a transpersonal neurobiologist and a neuroscience and creativity educator. Dr. Brady also writes regularly on his own blog site, The Flowering Brain (https://thefloweringbrain.wordpress.com/) .